Dear daughters

A friend of mine Lou sent me this poem and it has had a profound effect on me so I am sharing it with you…

my brain and
heart divorced

a decade ago

over who was
to blame about
how big of a mess
I have become

eventually,
they couldn’t be
in the same room
with each other

now my head and heart
share custody of me

I stay with my brain
during the week

and my heart
gets me on weekends

they never speak to one another

– instead, they give me
the same note to pass
to each other every week

and their notes they
send to one another always
says the same thing:

“This is all your fault”

on Sundays
my heart complains
about how my
head has let me down
in the past

and on Wednesday
my head lists all
of the times my
heart has screwed
things up for me
in the future

they blame each
other for the
state of my life

there’s been a lot
of yelling – and crying

so,

lately, I’ve been
spending a lot of
time with my gut

who serves as my
unofficial therapist

most nights, I sneak out of the
window in my ribcage

and slide down my spine
and collapse on my
gut’s plush leather chair
that’s always open for me

~ and I just sit sit sit sit
until the sun comes up

last evening,
my gut asked me
if I was having a hard
time being caught
between my heart
and my head

I nodded

I said I didn’t know
if I could live with
either of them anymore

“my heart is always sad about
something that happened yesterday
while my head is always worried
about something that may happen tomorrow,”
I lamented

my gut squeezed my hand

“I just can’t live with
my mistakes of the past
or my anxiety about the future,”
I sighed

my gut smiled and said:

“in that case,
you should
go stay with your
lungs for a while,”

I was confused
– the look on my face gave it away

“if you are exhausted about
your heart’s obsession with
the fixed past and your mind’s focus
on the uncertain future

your lungs are the perfect place for you

there is no yesterday in your lungs
there is no tomorrow there either

there is only now
there is only inhale
there is only exhale
there is only this moment

there is only breath

and in that breath
you can rest while your
heart and head work
their relationship out.”

this morning,
while my brain
was busy reading
tea leaves

and while my
heart was staring
at old photographs

I packed a little
bag and walked
to the door of
my lungs

before I could even knock
she opened the door
with a smile and as
a gust of air embraced me
she said

“what took you so long?”

~ john roedel (johnroedel.com)

Love from mummy

Dear daughters,

I read this the other day and it resonated with me so I am sharing these lessons with you…

RULES TO TEACH YOUR DAUGHTER

1. Make your bed every day, even if it’s right before you get in it.

2. Don’t wear holey underwear…in case you’re in an accident and they cut your clothes off.

3. Travel light through life. Keep only what you need.

4. It’s okay to cry when you’re hurt. It’s also okay to smash (some) things; but, wash your face, clean your mess, and get up off the floor when you’re done. You don’t belong down there.

5. If you’re going to curse, be clever. If you’re going to curse in public, know your audience.

6. Seek out the people and places that resonate with your soul.

7. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

8. 5-second rule. It’s just dirt. There are worse things in a fast food cheeseburger.

9. Happiness is not a permanent state. Wholeness is. Don’t confuse these.

10. If you’re staying more than one night, unpack your bag.

11. Never walk through an alley alone.

12. Be less sugar, more spice, and only as nice as you’re able to without compromising yourself.

13. Can’t is a cop-out.

14. Hold your heroes to a high standard. Be your own hero.

15. If you can’t smile with your eyes, don’t smile. Insincerity is nothing to aspire to.

16. Never lie to yourself.

17. Your body, your rules.

18. If you have an opinion, you better know why.

19. Practice your passions.

20. Ask for what you want. The worst thing they can say is no.

21. Wish on stars and dandelions, then get to work to make them happen.

22. Stay as sweet as you are.

23. Fall in love often. Particularly with ideas, art, music, literature, food and far-off places.

24. Fall hard and forever in love with nothing but yourself.

25. Say Please, Thank You, and Pardon Me, whenever the situation warrants it.

26. Reserve “I’m sorry” for when you truly are.

27. Naps are for grown-ups, too.

28. Question everything, except your own intuition.

29. You have enough. You are enough.

30. You are amazing! Don’t let anyone ever make you feel you are not. If someone does….walk away. You deserve better.

31. No matter where you are, you can always come home.

32. Be happy and remember your roots, family is EVERYTHING.

33. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

34. No one will ever love you more than I do.

35. Be kind; treat others how you would like them to treat you.

36. If in doubt, remember whose daughter you are and straighten your crown.

Xoxo Mum

Dear daughters,

I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that everyone you meet is fight a battle. I believe you need to do one thing every day that scares you. I believe we are all swans, we seem to be gliding along effortlessly on the surface but we are all kicking like crazy to stay afloat. I believe in continual growth, in telling people beautiful things, even if they are strangers, and I believe in true love, even if I don’t know what it feels like. I believe that there is something bigger than us but I don’t know what it is. I believe in kindness, unconditional love, truthfulness, science, philosophy, drawing, reading, talking, dreaming and working hard. I believe that we are all faking it in some form. I believe that every woman feels insecure in her body and sees flaws that others don’t. I believe that mothers are the greatest gift. And children are the definition of joy. I believe that if we could all see ourselves through the eyes of others, that we would all love ourselves more. I believe rumours are perpetuated by the jealous. And those who are targeted should take it as a compliment. I believe media promote sadness and negative feelings. I believe that if we could all be a bit nicer, that the world as a whole would change dramatically. I believe that evil has a way of thriving in our society and I believe that as a whole we are too scared to stop it. I believe that my mum was an inspiring woman and she left this earth so I would be forced the become who I am. I believe in healing tears, talking openly with my children, saying sorry to them when I fail and showing them that even I make mistakes. I believe that in this moment we are all doing the best we can. I believe in the good in people and ultimately we all just want acceptance and love.

I believe in you!

Xoxo mummy

Dear daughters

Throughout your adult life you will be given a tonne of advice. The most prominent time will be as you are navigating your way as a mother. This can become overwhelming and confusing trust me.

Over time I have learned that there are a crazy amount of books on parenting, a tonne of dos and don’ts, my advice is to listen to it all, but only take on what feels right for you, in your gut. Do things your way, what works for your little family.

Babies and children are just like adults, no two are the same. What works for one child may not work for the next. One of you hated being on your tummy, the other would only sleep on your tummy. One would only settle when swaddled, the other hated it. Listen to your baby and listen to your instincts.

Parenting is the hardest but most rewarding thing I have ever done and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Love, mummy xx

Dear daughters

As a woman we have the habit of comparing ourselves to the “perfect woman” the one that always looks stunning, has her life together, always says and does the right thing, succeeds at everything she does, has an impeccable wardrobe, skin, body, hair. But the truth it… SHE DOESN’T EXIST!

Social media and the media in general showcase images of perfect women but behind this front, it is not at all like this.

I once read an interview with a very famous actress who commented that she felt she couldn’t act, she was faking it, and that one day someone will discover it and her whole world will crumble. She is rich, successful and gorgeous but inside she is insecure and afraid.

The ones we idolise and compare ourselves to, have just as many issues as we do. They are human.

Just think of all those celebrities who apparently had it all but still overdosed or committed suicide.

You can’t fully experience someone else’s life or be in their mind so you can’t fully understand or see their struggles and flaws.

So be kind to yourself. Accept you are human and that truthfully you are the only one qualified at being you.

I love you xx

Dear daughters

This piece of advice is one that someone gave me. During your marriage there will be times you find yourself attracted to another person who is not your spouse.

When this happens please do not feel bad, or guilty or like something is wrong with you. The reason we become attracted to another is to show us what we are craving.

For example, if you are attracted to a gentle person who is attentive and kind, chances are these things are missing from your relationship.

It could also be a way of the universe showing you a trait in someone else that you wish you had. For example the person you find yourself thinking of often could be very success in business or financially secure and possibly these are things you wish you had.

Once you can see the reason for your attraction, it will diffuse the sexual desire and simply leave you with an appreciation for this person and a new thing to work on in your relationship or to work towards in your own life.

I hope this helps x

Love, mum xx

Dear daughters

You make my heart happy always x

Love from your mum

Dear daughters

I’m sorry I was a jerk.

I wish you knew that sometimes when the house is dark and quiet, I come in and watch you breathe for a minute. I wonder there in the stillness if you know how much I love you. I think about the things I could have said differently, and I wonder if you let my mistakes roll off of you or if they stuck. I hope and pray there in the stillness that you would know how deeply and widely I love you.

You saw me at my best today, and you saw me at my worst. We cuddled on the couch this morning and your bed head was pressed into my chest. I smelled your hair and whispered I love you. I also lectured you about LISTENING and NOT INTERRUPTING, and was way grumpier than I needed to be. Later, I laid on your bed and apologized for being a jerk.

You’ve seen me in all my colors and I have no facades with you. I am just one mess of a Mama that apologizes often and loves you with every fiber of my being.

I don’t really know what I’m doing. I wish I did, but I don’t. I do my best and I trust my gut, but sometimes I make mistakes. Sometimes I say things that shouldn’t be said. Please keep telling me when I hurt you and I will make it right. We are learning and growing together.

Sometimes I can’t find the words to let you know how I feel about you. I want to, but I can’t.

Though sometimes I am overwhelmed and stressed I wish I could push pause and keep these days forever and ever.

I am proud of you. I tell you that, but I know you don’t fully understand what that means yet. I’m proud of you in a way that doesn’t depend on your successes or failures. I’m proud of who you are and I will always be your greatest fan…no matter what.

I hope my imperfection gives you permission to be imperfect too. I hope you always let me see your flaws and your mistakes because you know I’m safe. I hope you never hesitate to tell me when you’ve screwed up, because this imperfect mama will love you no matter what.

My love will wrap itself around you whether you want it or not. There’s nothing you could ever do that would make it stop. Not ever.

I am yours.

We’re in this together for the long haul my loves, and there’s nowhere I’d rather be than here.

I love you.

Love,

Mama

Dear daughters

As you have been growing up, there are some sayings I have used that I hope you never forget. Here they are in case you do…

As I put you to bed each night I would say a little poem. It went… “bad dreams, bad dreams go away. Good dreams, good dreams here to stay. Bad dreams, bad dreams go away. Good dreams, good dreams here to stay. Bad dreams, bad dreams go away. Good dreams, good dreams here to stay. Little angel on your should to protect you, keep you safe and give you good dreams.”

Then randomly I would also tell you, you were making my “heart happy”. It means that I really really love you and am super happy to be your mum.

Another little thing I loved doing was hugging you for a really long time and telling you that I was filling your ‘love tank’.

One thing my mum always used to say to me was that “everything happens for a reason”

I love you guys with all my heart

Xx your mumma bear

Dear daughters,

If the Coronavirus pandemic has taught me anything it is that I can stop always working, always being switched on and moving, and my world won’t fall apart.

I’m the worst at allowing myself time off and rest. I just keep pushing through because I am afraid of the consequences if I didn’t.

But it turns out I can stop and let things and life just be. I can play games with you kids. I can read a book all day. And my world doesn’t crumble. I also can stop for this time to recoup and still get up and continue on after. I will have the strength.

Not sure if you girls will ever understand this post but if you do, it is here to reassure you, you can stop and it will all be ok x

Love from your mum x